What this Korean reality show taught me about dating (2024)

For the past month, I've spent my Saturdays watching Netflix's latest reality dating show, Single's Inferno (솔로지옥).

The series follows 12 men and women marooned on the deserted island, 'Inferno', where they draw their own water from a barrel, cook plant-based meals, and stew anxiously in the heat —all while dating at the same time.

But when hearts align, couples are flown across to 'Paradise' to enjoy each other's company in luxury.

Though echoing a setting and tone seen in reality shows like Love Island, these only serve to emphasise this show's Koreanness. Some threads are easier to tease out, like the compliments awarded for small faces or the significance of being an oppa, but it's in fact woven into all that the cast say and do.

It's provided an extra layer to the discourse surrounding the show, making it interesting to partake in as a second-gen Korean-Australian. So here are my three dating lessons from watching the show.

1. Level the playing field

Jia, with her unapproachable aura and playful wit, is the clear favourite. She may be uninterested in 밀당 (mil-dang), the "push-and-pull" of playing hard to get, but the situation makes it an inevitability: the men are literally booking time slots to see her, and she's curious enough to give each one a chance.

This push-and-pull is inescapable in modern dating. If you've finally sent a reply after a purposeful silence, you've pulled. If you've demurred to keep a level of mystery, you've pushed. But whether it's done for the thrill or to safeguard one's heart, the game shouldn't make one a pawn to the other's king or queen.

Jia's suitors, Sihun and Hyunseung, are happily pulled in by her without reservation. Hyeonjoong, though puppy-like in his devotion, is the one to provide a key difference. He tells Jia that though he is interested only in her, he needs a partner who is considerate of him. It's a request for reciprocity. Jia accepts.

Whether you believe Hyeonjoong was able to push back or convince her to quit the game entirely, it's clear a push-and-pull doesn't have to end in a boring stalemate or unfair play – both people can win, together.

2. Seek clarity

Soyeon is sporty, confident, and honest. The note Jintaek leaves her on the first night explains her well: "If I had to describe today's weather, I'd say it was like you. Thank you for your warm thoughtfulness and breezy laughter."

Jintaek is openly infatuated with her, but the island throws a curveball. The rules dictate that his feel-good flirting and smooth words must be showered on another woman for a night —but he does it so enthusiastically everyone's surprised.

Soyeon lays out her frustrations, and Jintaek hears her out. He then airs his own hesitations. He doesn't know how she feels. Could she have ever initiated a conversation or sat next to him at mealtimes? It takes her a moment, but she comes to see his perspective.

It's delightful to witness them ensure their words reflect their actions the next day. Soyeon actively makes the little gestures which help him feel appreciated, and later checks in with him to see whether it was the right move. (It was.) Jintaek, in turn, returns to focus solely on her.

Their subsequent visits to Paradise are the closest thing to uncomplicated bliss we'll see on reality TV.

3. Meet people where they're at

Sehoon is a 직진남 (jik-jin-nam) or "a man who speeds straight ahead". His heart never strays from Jiyeon, who has a bright smile and is armed with a quiet strength.

However, Jiyeon continuously chooses other men while trying to avoid spending time with him one-on-one. She relies on statements like "I'm sleepy" and "Oh, this is awkward" to make her point.

Unlike communicating in English here in Australia, where the responsibility often falls on the speaker to relay ideas without ambiguity, Korean is receiver-oriented. The language is more subtle and requires a harmony of thought and feeling for full understanding. So while she never says "no", Sehoon hears it for what it is: a respectful decline.

But what happens when the listener doesn't bend towards the speaker? What happens when Sehoon gives her space but continues to be quietly faithful? The cast members speak admiringly of it, as do the celebrity panel. They see it is a sign of devoted perseverance. Other viewers have disagreed, believing it to be prideful tunnel vision.

Sehoon ultimately sticks to his guns, rejecting two other women to choose Jiyeon for what could be his only night in Paradise. They share in a genuinely earnest heart-to-heart. He's understandably euphoric, and she looks like she's finally at ease. The biggest surprise of the season follows, when Jiyeon in fact invites him back the next night.

I'm not convinced by the romantic lens in which we're to view the jik-jin-nam. We don't owe someone else our feelings because they've worked for it.

But I do recognise one thing about Sehoon: he met Jiyeon at her most exhausted and helped her feel seen and understood. I can toast to that.